The Way I See It - Lessons from Children
The Way I See It - Lessons from Children
You know you’ve failed when your action of last resort is to attack. Attacking is, in fact, a defensive response to the inability to persuade others to a particular course of action comb
You know you’ve failed when your action of last resort is to attack. Attacking is, in fact, a defensive response to the inability to persuade others to a particular course of action combined with one’s own unwillingness to accept an alternative course of action. In situations where conflict resolution isn’t working, force becomes perceived not only as required, but justified as well. This behavior is seen frequently in individuals, groups and nations.
My most recent experience with this belief was watching my grandkids play together last weekend. They are loving, loved and blessed children. Still, two interesting behaviors stood out in their interactions. At times, each child perceived the others as having or receiving more of something (unequal treatment from higher authority). In other cases, incidental contact often resulted in a belief that the offending child intended to cause harm (seeking unfair advantage relative to higher authority). Both of these behaviors almost always resulted in some form of corresponding attack.
What was eerie while watching the kids was the awareness that we adults, our institutions, and whole countries behave at the same level as these young children. So while parents, teachers, and family members are supposedly teaching our kids the skills of acceptable social behavior, is it possible that most or all of our planet-wide social systems are teaching them just the opposite?
Is “attack” a natural state for humanity or even for life forms in general? If not natural, why does humanity continue the behavior? There is enough historical evidence that both the attacked and the attacker are worse off for the behavior. We could just say, “Hey, that’s unnatural and insane. Let’s stop and all have a better time.” If, on the other hand, it is a natural state, then why try to change at all? Other species have done quite well for millions of years in that natural state.
The evidence is overwhelming, of course, that humanity has in fact been trying to change. There appears to be something in us beyond the basics of survival-at-all-cost. But as we teach our kids one thing, and do the other, we are continually sabotaging our own efforts. A legitimate but perhaps unanswerable question is whether our species is in that nexus of evolutionary change between those two states. According to our DNA, we’ve only been around about 250,000 years, a blink in time. So, is the change we wish for controlled by our DNA, or do we have some choice?
I think we have a choice and have made progress since Homer spawned the first written heroic legend. Yet it is a daily challenge to remain focused on creating the higher selves we want to be. And it is certainly a great challenge to teach our children the same concept. If in fact we do have a choice, the question is, what to choose? What is one thing a grandfather can teach his grandkids that might make a difference? The first thing to teach is to be mindful that attack begets attack. And there is more to come….
I will be on vacation for the next two weeks. Please look for my next article on September 30.
My most recent experience with this belief was watching my grandkids play together last weekend. They are loving, loved and blessed children. Still, two interesting behaviors stood out in their interactions. At times, each child perceived the others as having or receiving more of something (unequal treatment from higher authority). In other cases, incidental contact often resulted in a belief that the offending child intended to cause harm (seeking unfair advantage relative to higher authority). Both of these behaviors almost always resulted in some form of corresponding attack.
What was eerie while watching the kids was the awareness that we adults, our institutions, and whole countries behave at the same level as these young children. So while parents, teachers, and family members are supposedly teaching our kids the skills of acceptable social behavior, is it possible that most or all of our planet-wide social systems are teaching them just the opposite?
Is “attack” a natural state for humanity or even for life forms in general? If not natural, why does humanity continue the behavior? There is enough historical evidence that both the attacked and the attacker are worse off for the behavior. We could just say, “Hey, that’s unnatural and insane. Let’s stop and all have a better time.” If, on the other hand, it is a natural state, then why try to change at all? Other species have done quite well for millions of years in that natural state.
The evidence is overwhelming, of course, that humanity has in fact been trying to change. There appears to be something in us beyond the basics of survival-at-all-cost. But as we teach our kids one thing, and do the other, we are continually sabotaging our own efforts. A legitimate but perhaps unanswerable question is whether our species is in that nexus of evolutionary change between those two states. According to our DNA, we’ve only been around about 250,000 years, a blink in time. So, is the change we wish for controlled by our DNA, or do we have some choice?
I think we have a choice and have made progress since Homer spawned the first written heroic legend. Yet it is a daily challenge to remain focused on creating the higher selves we want to be. And it is certainly a great challenge to teach our children the same concept. If in fact we do have a choice, the question is, what to choose? What is one thing a grandfather can teach his grandkids that might make a difference? The first thing to teach is to be mindful that attack begets attack. And there is more to come….
I will be on vacation for the next two weeks. Please look for my next article on September 30.
