Crazy ‘Bout a Mercury
Permalink +Sun, Dec 26, 2010, 7:50 pm // John Lesow
The author and one of his Mercurys. As the year draws to a close, television and print media come forward with their obligatory--and often entertaining--Year End Retrospectives. They catalogue the Best of 2010. And the Worst. And What's Hot and What's Not.
We also reflect on those things that have disappeared over the past year and are unlikely to ever return again. Like polar ice caps, Kodakchrome and my 401k.
On a more serious note, we reflect on personal passages. We sometimes refer to these as "milestones," and pause to reflect on the significance of lives well-lived.
Sadly, the passage of a legendary motorcar brand garners scant attention these days.
This summer, the last Mercury automobile rolled inauspiciously off the assembly line, joining Plymouth, Oldsmobile and Pontiac in the pantheon of soon-to-be-forgotten artifacts of American automotive dominance.
There was little fanfare as the last Mercury Milan rolled into automotive oblivion, marking the end of a 71-year old brand that was once synonymous with innovation, style, and speed.
There were no speeches from Ford Motor Company execs about the proud history of the Lincoln-Mercury Division, once the jewel in Ford's crown. In today's corporate world, there is little financial utility in calling public attention to the diminution of a company's product line, particularly when there is no new replacement stallion in the stable. Or, in the case of Mercury, no Cougar in the tree.
Kudos and tributes are best left to diehard, freelance Mercury fans. And I am proud to step up. Because I'm crazy about Mercurys. I own three.
I admire the dreamers and doers who designed and built these iconic cars. I salute the marketeers who produced classy, spirited advertising campaigns and great car names. I appreciate the talent of songwriters like K.C. Douglas, who penned the great rockabilly song, "Mercury Blues," in 1949. And I never tire of hearing country-and-western singer Alan Jackson's rendition of "Crazy 'Bout a Mercury," which went to the #2 spot on the Billboard charts and is still one of the best dance tunes around.
I doubt if anyone will ever write or sing about a Passat. Or a Subaru Justy. Or any of the corny names for the current crop of McCars that parade their agonizing sameness along the highways and byways of 21st Century America.
The Mercury is gone, but past images remain. Like the 1949 Mercury Club Coupe, immortalized in the James Dean movie, "Rebel Without a Cause." Arguably one of the coolest cars ever.
Powerful, too. In the 50s-era of flathead V-8s, the Mercury engine was the gold standard for serious hot-rodders. Although nearly identical to the Ford, the Mercury had larger pistons, offering 239 cubic inches to Ford's 221. (That's 4 liters vs. 3.7, for you Europhiles.)
Edsel Ford conceived the Mercury brand in the 1930s as a way to fill the gap between the basic Ford and the luxury Lincoln. From the beginning, the Mercury was a winner. Sales continued a steady upward trajectory and peaked in 1978, the best year in the division's history with over a half million cars sold.
I started buying Mercurys about 30 years ago. I liked the styling, the rugged mechanical integrity and the price. Back in the 80s, there were still plenty of 70s-era Mercurys around and they could be purchased for next to nothing. $500 tops.
Plus, there were junkyards and aftermarket shops that provided plenty of parts for the weekend shade-tree mechanic.
My wife, an artist, was appreciative of the Mercury's style. The long expansive hoods that seemed to continue forever. The sweeping curves flowing along the side panels. The sparkling solidity of sculptured chrome bumpers.
Having a collection of 70s-era Mercurys occupying the driveway of our 70s-era home always seemed appropriate. Far from taking up space, a well-preserved Mercury in the driveway was, at least in our eyes, a display of automotive art. As well as a useful tool for transporting kids, groceries, dogs, and other mainstays of suburban life.
Each Mercury had an endearing characteristic. My personal favorite was the 73 Cougar, probably because of the completely impractical and iconoclastic nature of its design. The Cougar is a strictly dry-pavement, drive-in-a-straight-line car. Weighing in at 3700 pounds, (about the average weight of today's midsize SUV) the Cougar was offered with 3 engine options; big, bigger and ridiculous. These V-8's ranged from the 289, moving quickly up to the husky 351 Cleveland and topping out with the gargantuan 460 cubic inch Police Interceptor.
Thanks to the ingenuity of Mercury engineers, the big block 460, topped with a Carter four barrel carburetor and producing over 375 horsepower, was amazingly shoehorned into the small engine compartment of the Cougar. The result was a power-to-weight ratio that delivered 0 to 60 accelleration times in under 7 seconds. Exhilarating.
From a standing start, it is possible to completely denude the right rear tire by pressing the accellerator pedal to the floor and keeping it there. Not a recommended practice, but fun to do once in a while.
Remember the Arab Oil Embargo? In the mid-70s, doomsayers predicted the days of big cars were over. At the time, few realized that 20 years later, during the glorious days of the Clinton presidency, the price of gas (90 cents a gallon) would be lower, adjusted for inflation, than it was in the 70s.
Mercury's answer to the Prophets of Doom was to increase the size and weight of the Cougar. My 1976 is nearly 1,000 lbs. heavier than the 73.
Due to increases in size and bulk, the 1976 does not have the zip of the 1973. Plus, it is equipped with the smaller, more practical 351 Windsor V-8, a small-block version of the more muscular 351 Cleveland.
The ozone-searing 460 was still available in 1976, but by then federal emission standards and CAFE regs had pretty much defanged the Cougar as a performance car. The federally-mandated neutering of the 460 resulted in a big, lazy engine that retained it's appetite for fuel at the expense of neck-snapping performance.
From 1974 through 1979, Mercury manufactured luxurious, smooth-riding land yachts capable of cruising along the freeway at 75 mph while delivering a respectable 15 miles per gallon.
I purchased my 1976 Cougar in 2001 from the original owner, an 85-year old gentleman who had unfortunately lost his driver's license. The car was in beautiful shape and had few miles. I promised the owner I would never alter the car from it's original condition. And that included leaving the "I Love San Deigo" sticker on the rear bumper. It would be a rolling tribute to his lifelong affection for a big, beautiful car. He was very grateful. He let the car go for practically nothing.
There is a saying that when you drive by in a Ferrari, people stare, but when you drive by in a station wagon, people wave. As a station wagon owner, I can vouch for the accuracy of this statement.
Our Mercury Montego MX Villager Wagon--you gotta love that name--has been in the family for 24 years and has garnered countless waves. There seems to be a positive connection between my generation and station wagons. Small wonder. The station wagon was synonymous with the postwar economic boom, large happy families, and good times.
Half the fun of collecting cars is finding them. I remember the advertisement in the Sunday paper back in 1987: "1975 Mercury Wagon. Needs brakes. Leaving town. Must sell. $250."
I visited the owner, who lived in a rundown apartment on Vancouver's seedy Downtown East Side. The car was sitting in a litter-strewn vacant lot across the street.
It was pretty obvious the owner was serious about leaving town. Rather quickly, in fact. He advised the car had been parked for about a year, so I offered him $200 cash if the car would start. He assured me it would, took the money, handed me the papers and excused himself. I never saw him again.
The car looked pretty forlorn. Dirty, moss-covered, with an interior that suggested the vehicle was being used as affordable housing by some unfortunate soul. Still, the car had possibilities. And I was intrigued by the bullet hole in the windshield. With the help of a fresh battery, the car started and I quickly became the proud owner.
The engine was as loud as a jackhammer, but the lifter noise subsided as the engine warmed up. The owner was right about the brakes. I had to wend my way through Vancouver back alleys to get back to my apartment, all the while judiciously applying the emergency brake and hoping I would not have to throw the gearshift into park to slow this 5,000 lb. beast.
Over the years, our Mercury wagon has been faithfully maintained and upgraded only when necessary. It has been a constant source of family fun. It has survived trips through the Canadian Rockies during raging snowstorms. The odometer reads over 300,000 miles, but the engine still rumbles along. It has been in parades, television commercials, and a Steven Speilberg movie.
A dozen years ago, my daugher and five friends wanted to drive to Oregon for a Grateful Dead concert. She sheepishly asked if her boyfriend could drive the station wagon. I agreed.
The lad fell in love with the car. He characterized the 800 mile trip as, "Like driving down the highway in an overstuffed couch."
I learned recently that Mercury only manufactured 4,000 Villager Wagons in 1975. Since they have never been collector cars, I suspect there are just a few left. I'm glad to own at least one of the survivors.
The rest have likely been scrapped or fallen casualty to ill-advised "Cash for Clunkers" programs. Too bad. To me, that is like breaking up Tiffany lamps for the bits of colored glass.
Optimists are predicting an economic recovery in 2011. If so, that means world car production will rise to previous levels of about 75 million new cars a year. Tough on the planet, but politicians say we need the jobs.
Will these yearly additions to the world car population improve the human condition? Maybe. We will surely travel with greater safety, speed, and comfort in the hermetically-sealed, WiFi enabled cockpits of our 21st Century transportation units.
But nothing can match the pleasure of motoring down a country road on a sunny August afternoon, windows down, with the fresh breeze blowing the smells of summer past your face.
Behind the wheel of a Mercury.
Jay Leno once joked that his '57 Buick could seat 6 -- for dinner. In fact, the Mercury Villager Wagon can seat 9, thanks to a jump seat option in the cargo compartment, which is also sized perfectly for a 4 x 8 sheet of plywood.
A New York Times reviewer characterized the 1973 Cougar as "...a muscle car variation of the Mustang, three inches longer and boasting a gutsy front grill that some have likened to an electric shaver".
Point Roberts Fourth of July Parade included a tribute to National Lampoon's Summer Vacation, complete with the Griswold kids and Aunt Edna.Related Links:
-> Alan Jackson singing ''Mercury Blues'' at YouTube
Comments (8)
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Todd Granger // Mon, Dec 27, 2010, 4:01 pm
But John,
Passat derives from the German word for tradewind… “I am a Ford, not a Lincoln.?
Gerald R. Ford
John Lesow // Mon, Dec 27, 2010, 4:38 pm
Thanks for reading the article, Todd !
Happy New Year !
David Stalheim // Fri, Dec 31, 2010, 10:04 pm
Great story, John. I still recall seeing you for the first time in your wagon on the Lummi Island ferry, coming back from a Planning Commission meeting. As I recall, you had some girl in the front seat with you. Always the gentleman. :)
Todd Granger // Sat, Jan 01, 2011, 12:00 pm
Where’s Hal Hart, Dave?
And that Transportation Element of the Whatcom County GMA, regarding the Lummi Island Ferry? Quite a concept today as related to one great example of planning for the future, the 1963 version when the County built the Whatcom Chief, after the voter failed to agree to fund a new sinking ship of state.
Every person knows that in 1963, Smith and Northwest was a mental hospital, and is being used today for it’s current and best available use, by the Whatcom County Planning Division.
“I guess it is all the above. It is clearly not about the money, because I never asked what the pay would be, nor what I currently make. Sometimes, making a difference to your community is more important?”
When one drives a Mercury Marine product, they have a service and support division? Why’s that been such an ongoing problem at the Mental Health Hospital, Smith and Northwest?
The 1960’s and the Whatcom County Planning Division, like a Mercury Comet Cyclone, with a 427 and twin carbs, and Merc-O-Matic transmission.
Todays Whatcom County Planning Division 2000, have you driven a Edsel lately!
“He who sows seed in the minds of men must have the eye of a hawk to see where it falls, and the vision of a god to discern whether its fruit be good or evil.
“The Nation, April 28, 1923 Harold J. Laski…
But let us suppose, that in this our ship of state, the pilot is drunk, the most of his associates are asleep, or after large and unreasonable tippling together, they regard their eminent danger in approaching a rock with idle and negligent jollity; the ship in the mean season instead of following her right course, that might serve for the best advantage of the owners’ profit, is ready rather to split herself. What should then a master’s mate, or some other under officer do, who is vigilant and careful to perform his duty? Shall it be thought sufficient for him to pinch or punch them who are asleep, without daring in the meantime to put his helping hand to preserve the vessel which runs on a course to destruction, lest he should be thought to intermeddle with that which he has no authority nor warrant to do? What mad discretion, nay, rather notorious impiety were this? Seeing then that tyranny, as Plato says, “is a drunken frenzy or frantic drunkenness,” if the prince endeavour to ruin the commonwealth, and the principal officers concur with him in his bad purposes, or at the least are lulled in a dull and drowsy dream of security, and the people (being indeed the true and absolute owner and lord of the state) be, through the pernicious negligence and fraudulent connivency of those officers, brought to the very brim of danger and destruction, and that there be, notwithstanding, amongst those unworthy ministers of state, some one who does studiously observe the deceitful and dangerous encroachments of tyranny, and from his soul detests it, what opposition do we suppose best befits such a one to make against it? Shall he consent himself to admonish his associates of their duty, who to their utmost ability endeavour the contrary? Besides, that such an advertisement is commonly accompanied with too much danger, and the condition of the times considered, the very soliciting of reformation will be held as a capital crime: so that in so doing he may be not unfitly resembled to one, who, being in the midst of a desert, environed with thieves, should neglect all means of defence, and after he had cast away his arms, in an eloquent and learned discourse commend justice, and extol the worth and dignity of the laws. This would be truly according to the proverb, “To run mad with reason.” What then? Shall he be dull and deaf to the groans and cries of the people? Shall he stand still and be silent when he sees the thieves enter? Shall he only hold his hands in his bosom, and with a demure countenance, idly bewail the miserable condition of the times? If the laws worthily condemn a soldier, who, for fear of the enemies, counterfeits sickness, because in so doing he expresses both disloyalty and treachery, what punishment can we invent sufficient for him, who either maliciously or basely betrays those whose protection and defence he has absolutely undertaken and sworn? Nay, rather than let such a one cheerfully call one and command the mariners to the performance of their duty: let him carefully and constantly take order that the commonwealth be not endamaged, and if need so require, even in despite of the king, preserve the kingdom, without which the kingly title were idle and frivolous, and if by no other means it can be affected, let him take the king and bind him hand and foot, that so he may be more conveniently cured of his frenzy and madness…”
Happy New Year Dave! Unless you have a hangover!
Damon Gray // Sat, Jan 08, 2011, 8:07 pm
I still drive a Mercury. Probably will till it’s in the grave.
John Lesow // Sat, Jan 08, 2011, 11:06 pm
Good for you, Damon !
Good taste never goes out of style !
Cheers, John
Michael McAuley // Thu, Jan 20, 2011, 12:37 am
John! Great writing!
You’ve reminded me of a day I’d completely forgotten driving out the backside of Oakville, WA to the beach and my big brother flooring his ‘69 Cougar…..while not as ridiculously quick as my first trip in a 300Z a couple years earlier, at least one thing was ridiculous - quite literally watching the fuel guage drop over the course of a couple miles on a fantastically straight road.
Unfortunately, even in 1987 the gas for that thing cost way too much and he couldn’t keep his foot out of it because he loved to roast tires and the deep ‘wuhoooohhh’ of the carb fully opened when you stomped on the pedal.
John Lesow // Wed, Jan 26, 2011, 2:30 pm
Thanks, Michael !
Yes, there is nothing that can compare to that “wuhoooohhh” sound of air rushing through an open carburator throat !
Accept no substitutes—there is an electrical device you can buy in Canada that installs on your dash and transmits the electrical impulses from your distributor to your car radio…the result is the sound of a Ferrari exhaust through your speakers !
I half thought about purchasing one but balked at the $50 price tag; turned out later that most of the ones that were sold were returned…the ersatz exhaust tones just didn’t resonate with real car lovers…Nothing like the real thing !
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